How do you know when you’re in trouble?

I taste red wine. I'm not drinking at the moment; haven't had a drop to drink since Monday (when I had about precisely 2 drops), but I've been tasting red wine constantly for about a week now. I woke up with it there, present on the sides of my tongue, last Sunday morning.

Last Saturday, I drank red wine. A few varieties; a Petite Syrah, a nice Cabernet, and a wonderful homemade Chocolate Merlot. I was in no condition to drive (and I didn't) but I was nowhere near drunk. Didn't feel like crying, didn't feel like starting a fight, not particularly giggly, and I felt absolutely no urge at all to get naked or even sing karaoke. I did, however, go to bed at 9:15 that evening, having arrived home from the barbecue/wine drinking, around 8:45. Nothing good on TV, couldn't read, no-one else around, so off to bed I went. And woke up Sunday with the wine taste.

I have an addictive personality; I'm fully reconciled to this. But I've never before questioned my relationship with alcohol. Mostly because I don't drink like the rest of my family. I don't drink to get drunk. I rarely drink alone, and even then it's one glass of wine or one beer. I drink when I'm socializing, and I drink stuff that I like the taste of.

I'm a nicotine junky (reformed). I could smoke a cigarette right now, and I'd puke my guts out. But I'd smoke a pack tomorrow. There are times when I wish for all the world that I could be a social smoker and just have one every couple of months. But it's not meant to be. When I smoked, and shortly after I quit (coming up on 5 years now) I could taste the cigarettes when I wasn't smoking. But it was a different feeling. I would taste them and be compelled to go have one, go buy one, go bum one depending on the situation. I would sometimes want to walk up to a perfect stranger (man or woman) in a bar and French kiss them just to suck the smoke from their lungs. Fortunately I never did. People do start to talk when you behave that way.

I also have issues with food. Sometimes I taste chocolate or potatoes or cheese or bread or . . . you get the idea. In times of stress, since I stopped smoking, I reach for food. Others in my life might reach for the bottle or the joint or the pipe or the bong (lots of dope smokers), but I go for the fridge. Or I used to. I'm learning slowly but surely that if physical hunger's not the problem, then food won't fix it.

Which brings me to the question of the blog. If I know an alcoholic who's in AA and working the steps, then I'm not aware of it. That person is truly anonymous. What I'm wondering is how do you know if you might be on the road to alcoholism? I don't drink for the purpose of getting drunk. I have blacked out, but not since I was 17 and learned that whiskey is not for me. Misspent youth aside (and that's a big aside, I partied enough for a couple of people), I don't have a big list of things that I did when drinking that I wouldn't have done while sober or that I wish I hadn't done.

When I tasted cigarettes, after a few minutes, I had to go have one. When I taste certain foods, I want it right then or very soon. In days past when I was addicted to a man, if I could "taste" him all of a sudden, I'd make the booty call or go find him in the other room, depending on the situation.

But the wine's not like that. I taste the wine, but I don't crave it. I'm not worried that there's no wine in the house right now. I'm not looking ahead and planning my next drink. I just taste it, pretty much all the time unless I'm actually eating.

The wine taste worries me. And because it worries me, I'm not drinking anything alcoholic for a little while. I want to see if it goes away or becomes a monster. I can deal with a monster that's in front of me, but I'm not sure how I'm supposed to deal with something that might be a monster eventually.