First my ass

And now my tits and my feet seem to be shrinking. Which, all in all, is a good thing. I've lost 34 pounds, and it is really starting to show. In some ways I just wish it was my belly and my thighs which were shrinking faster. They're getting smaller, no doubt about that, but proportionally it's not the same. That said, for years I've pretty much disliked my body from my shoulders to my knees, so any shrinkage is good. Except the feet. I just got new workout shoes, and I can feel my feet sliding around in them while I'm working out. And I really can't afford to buy myself new shoes less than 2 weeks before Christmas, especially since I've only purchased one gift.

Anyway, I find myself thinking a lot more these days about the choices that I've made. What would my life be like now if I were still with:
A. My first, you know, partner?
B. My first serious boyfriend after A broke my heart?
C. My first husband?
D. My between-husbands boyfriend?
E. My second husband?

These 5 represent the men I've really cared about, and trust me when I say that my first husband only makes the list because I was dumb enough to marry him. Otherwise he'd be a blip. I think the answers are:
A. Small midwestern town hell.
B. Hell with a guy who's probably beating his current partner as I type.
C. Same as B. Sadly enough.
D. ??? Dunno.
E. Repressed and unhappy but pretending to be otherwise. Also known as East Coast suburban hell or hell-lite.

I've been thinking about D also known as Transition Man/Boy a lot lately and that's partly because of my recent reconnection with my roommate from the time I was with him and partly because he represents the unknown. The what could have been. The idea of children who are shorter and have darker hair and eyes. Yanno, parents frequently say that they wouldn't change the person they had kids with because they wouldn't change their kids, but I don't entirely buy that. If you had kids with "the one who got away," then those would be your kids, and you wouldn't change them. The kids you have now wouldn't exist, and you couldn't miss them because you'd never have known them.

OK, now that I've gotten all philosophical . . . the only thing I can change is me, and even then, I'm pretty much only changing the package.

What I'm reading: The Spy Who Loves Me by Julie Kenner. I recently read The Givenchy Code by her and loved it. I haven't had much time to read lately, but I'm hoping to get through this in a couple of days.